Most folks think I just showed up one day, fully grown, shaggy, and stomping through the mist. Truth is, I was born like anyone else, though the details are a little fuzzy. My mother says I came howling into the world under a blood moon, somewhere deep in the Cascade Range. My first crib was a hollow log; my first lullaby, the call of a barred owl.
They called me “Little Toe” back then. I wasn’t little. Still, in Bigfoot terms, it’s a term of endearment.
From the moment I could walk, I was taught the art of vanishing. Humans don’t understand how hard it is to stay hidden in a world that keeps building strip malls where my Favorito berry patches used to be. I can blend into fog, make no sound on wet leaves, and hold my breath for minutes when hiding underwater.
The key to survival isn’t strength, it’s silence. You ever tried tiptoeing at 8 feet tall with size 26 feet? That’s a lifestyle, not a hobby.
I never asked to be a cryptid. I just wanted peace, pine needles, and maybe the occasional salmon. But then came the cameras, the blurry photos, the jerky footage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered by the attention. But I am not a hoax. I am a dude. A forest dude.
I don’t abduct hikers. I don’t eat goats. And I definitely don’t hang out with the Loch Ness Monster, we had a falling out in ’87, plus we occasionally fight over who is the mystery- obviously I win, the loch ness monster doesn’t even have feet, embarrassing!!
People think being Bigfoot is all mystery and legend. But let me tell you: it’s lonely. I’ve gone decades without seeing another one of my kind. Every so often, I think I hear a call echoing through the valleys, but maybe it’s just a coyote with bad timing.
You start to question yourself when you’re the only one left hiding.
Now there are drones. Satellites. People with apps that can identify scat by brand. I can’t even take a nap without someone thinking I’m a mossy rock or trying to poke me with a stick.
Still, I adapt. I have a burner phone. I tweet under a pseudonym. I learned how to use TikTok, but deleted it, too much dancing with someone with feel like mine.
People always ask, “If you’re real, why don’t you just come out and say so?” Well, would you? If your every move got turned into a meme or a conspiracy theory? No thanks. I’m not here to entertain. I’m here to exist.
The forest is my truth. The silence is my voice.
I’m not a monster. I’m not a myth. I’m just an old soul with big feet and a bigger need for solitude. One day, maybe the world will be quiet enough for me to walk through it freely. Until then, I’ll be where I’ve always been, between the trees, under the stars, and just out of reach. Maybe one day I will see you soon, but for now, goodbye !
